the struggle

I went for a run yesterday, just me, my shoes & my Garmin. A perfect trio! :) Without my Ipod, I was able to enjoy the sound of the birds, I could focus on my breathing, I took in more of my surroundings than I normally do when I run with music in my ears. I loved it!! I did a quick 3.75 run, if I had to run longer, I might have wished for some music, but sometimes, it's better to enjoy the run, rather than try to tune it out. Anyways, it got me thinking about my "get fit" journey.

As I was running I saw a woman in front of me, she was walking quickly, obviously working out & had weights in her hands. I loved it!! I got excited to see her moving & taking her health into her own hands! When I caught up to her, she turned to look at me as I passed & I said "good job" and gave her a thumbs up :) Hopefully it was encouraging to her, but I don't know. It made me think of where I began.

I started getting interested in health & fitness a few years ago, after I had my son. I really wanted to lose the "last 10 pounds" and get back into pre-baby shape. I ate better & started doing workout DVDs & running again. I started to get serious about fitness when I came across cross fit in the fall of last year & really wanted to look like the cross fit girls. They were strong & healthy and looked amazing, no matter what age they were. Soon, I  felt called to begin a fitness ministry at church in the winter/spring of last year. Unfortunately, I took the summer off of working out/running & ran a few races in the fall, but that was about it. By the end of last year, I had gained back some of the weight I had lost & I was just feeling upset with myself. I felt like I always had to hide my tummy or mask my muffin top. I didn't like my thighs & I was self concious of how I looked.

I finally decided that what I was doing wasn't working, I didn't love myself, I was ashamed of myself & I decided that I HAD to do something different than what I was doing. That's when I decided to do the Whole30 in January. I lost 8 pounds that month & kept up with clean eating after the month was over. March was a little dodgy as I kind of ate a lot of crap, along with eating clean. In April I signed up for a detox/meal plan with Cathy Savage and have been following it since then. I am down to my lowest weight since even BEFORE getting pregnant with the twins in 2007.

I am finally proud of my body b/c it is a result of all of the hard work I've been doing this year. I am not totally to where I want to be, I don't necessarily want to LOSE weight, I actually want to gain weight b/c I want to gain muscle. I am working hard at lifting & fueling my body properly. It is a sacrifice b/c I have to give up junk like pizza, cookies, and sweets, but it is SO worth it!! My husband asked me if I felt deprived last weekend after we went out to pizza & I got spinach and a chicken breast and I could honestly tell him No. I remember how I felt about myself when I was eating junk & I don't want to feel like that anymore. I love how I feel about myself now!! It is definitely a motivator to keep going & keep working hard. I look back at pictures from Jan-Now & I love seeing the progress I've made! It makes me want to keep it up & be able to see even MORE change in the future months. :)