I cheated

I cheated, I fell off the wagon, I am back on Day 1 of the Whole30 :( I ate some pizza last night. We went out to Piece Pizza yesterday and before we left, I looked at their menu, I saw a salad that looked decent & so we were out the door. Well, things didn't go as planned from there.

There is this huge wait when we got there & we ended up waiting for well over an hour, with 3 little kids. Yikes! Plus, there's really no "waiting" area, so we were amid all of the tables that were being delivered their delicious pizzas. The smell of pizza was everywhere & did I mention that I felt like I was going to faint b/c I was so hungry?! I told Nick a few times that we should just leave, I knew I wouldn't be able to withstand the pizza that we were going to order once we sat down.

FINALLY, we were seated. I DID order my salad, I asked for no cheese, but forgot to ask them to hold the candied walnuts (sugar everywhere I tell ya!), which I DIDN'T eat, Nick snacked on those. But the whole salad was covered in dressing. I could tell it was a sugary dressing too b/c the Whole30 has given me super sugar tasting abilities LOL So I was eating the salad, but I knew I had already eaten all this sugary dressing, so I figured I may as well eat the pizza too since I would have to start over today anyway.

Let me tell you, it was GLORIOUS!! The last time we ate at Piece Pizza, I remember not being too impressed, but this time it was delicious. I tasted everything, the cheese, the crust, the sauce, the pepperoni, it was all soooooo yummy. I have to say, I am happy that I ate it LOL The 2 times I ate pizza in February, when I was off the Whole30 challenge, I wasn't too impressed. It was good, but not like this pizza, which was what dreams are made of ;) To be fair, I do have to say that it sat like a lump in my stomach all night & I did gain 2 pounds in water weight from the carbs or whatever.

This time around, my experience with the Whole30 Challenge has been a lot different than it was in January. It.is.a.STRUGGLE! It has been so mentally hard this time around. I didn't go crazy in February when I was not doing the challenge, I basically ate the same as in January, but I did add in daily chocolate. I had pizza a few times & a couple sandwiches for lunch, but I didn't binge on anything. I was shocked that it has been so hard, BUT I think my body IS craving the sugary/carbs more because it HAS been so long since I've had them. I have been craving pastries like mad, I keep wanting donuts, but I can't even tell you the last time I even ate a donut! I don't eat those things regularly. It is insane.

I am back to Day 1 & I am so sad. This is a timeline that someone wrote up about the different phases while on the Whole30: Whole30 Timeline. I was in that Day 8-15 range where your food cravings rival that of pregnancy. I NEVER had that phase last time, at least that I remember, so if I did, it wasn't that bad. This time was cray cray BUT I was ALMOST to the freaking Tiger Blood stage. Oh, how I want to get to that Tiger Blood stage again LOL It is amazing, I KNOW how good it can feel to eat clean & have all of that energy, SO I will work hard, to get past all the yuckiness...AGAIN....to hopefully have a successful 30 days this time around. My only question is, am I on round 2 still or does this make me on Round 3??

Confession

OK friends, I have something to confess. I have not been eating clean the past few days :/ It all started on Saturday. My husband worked hard on the house all day, so I decided he should have a treat & should pick where he wanted to go for dinner. Turns out he wanted Chicago style deep dish pizza. UM, so NOT clean :( Sometimes we have to do things for other people though, right? I checked out the salad options & none of them piqued my interest. Not enough protein, or worse yet, FRIED protein & I hate paying for a salad at a restaurant that will leave me hungry. So I decided to have some pizza. WORST.DECISION.EVER!! I definitely paid for eating all of that cheese & grains!! It sat like a brick in my stomach for the rest of the night & even into the next day :( UGH!!

Today I gave into convenience & at a peanut butter & jelly sandwich and some corn chips. Ugh, now I don't know why I did that, but at the time, it just seemed easier than making anything, even a salad, I was just too hungry in the moment & to be honest, I've missed pb&j!! Anyways, it was good & didn't hurt my stomach as much as the pizza did. I am trying my hardest to be kind to myself and not beat myself up for a few poor choices. I will not be defeated by these slips & am choosing to continue on, eating clean. Besides, I am doing another Whole30 in March, and I don't want it to be a bad transition. I want it to be a pretty smooth adjustment since I am trying to continue on the Paleo diet.

Life is a struggle though isn't it? I mean there will always be falls & failures. We will never do everything perfectly. I am learning that I can't  beat myself up for that. Life will not be perfect or easy, this side of Heaven. I am beginning to think that how you react to your slips, screw ups, & falls determines how the rest of your journey will go. I think it can get into your head & make you give up, or it can spur you on to do better. It can actually strengthen any future resolve.

I have obviously learned that I will not be eating deep dish pizza again LOL I hated the way it made me feel. However, I think a sandwich here or there is OK. It will not be my normal lunch, but I can't let the fear of what may happen scare me away from starting over & from having grace with myself. I will admit that I began to think of where eating like that has gotten me. I was not happy with how I looked & I didn't have energy and I don't want to go back to that lifestyle. I would rather be eating clean & moving forward, I will hopefully be better prepared & have a lunch in mind when I am out and about in the morning.